Africans Are Way More Hipster Than You’ll Ever Be

There’s something I’ve observed during my three months in Africa that I find surprising, hilarious, and somewhat ironic (ironic because of the predictable and non-funny means by which it arises) and that is that Africans, at least Burkinabé, are extremely hipster.

You may also find this surprising, as well you should.

Let me explain: There is a massive trade here in used foreign clothing, mostly from the United States and Japan. I’m not sure which aid organizations decided that Africans needed all of our old Cabo San Lucas T-shirts and faded jeans when similar clothing can be made in situ for a comparable price (not to mention employing the multitudinous tailors here) but this stuff is everywhere. And they love it. The Mrs. And I have decided to take a picture of a T-shirt from every state that we see being worn. Had we started already, we would be halfway done by now. Everywhere you look is a thrift-store rat’s wet dream. I’ve talked to a 40-year-old farmer wearing a pink, poofy, sequin-studded hat and a multi-colored neon windbreaker. I’ve seen a motorcycle fly past bearing a man with a flailing Santa’s cap and fingerless gloves. I’ve seen T-shirts so old and faded that even whoever designed them probably couldn’t recall the reference. Handmade skirts are all the rage. If someone wears glasses here, they’re Buddy Holly glasses. Matching and color-coordination are concepts which simply do not exist.

The picture wouldn’t be complete without the rusty fixed-gear bikes, and lo and behold, they’re the major mode of transportation. My homologue jokingly suggested that we trade my brand-new Trek mountain bike for his old, red, white and blue single-gear and I found myself strangely torn.

And of course, you’ve never heard of any of their favorite bands. They’re super underground (except for 50 Cent and Rhianna).

Here’s the really ironic thing: The Burkinabé don’t even know how hipster they are. All of these things flow from coincidental matters of necessity. These guys are wearing these awesome hats not as a statement but because they’re cold (for some reason). Fixed-gear bikes are not widely popular because of their “superior maneuverability” but because their simplicity makes them the easiest things to maintain in this world of dust and pot holes. The Burkinabé have succeeded in the struggle for critical mass not because of their rebellious nature or organizational skills but because cars are so rare. And you’ve never heard of their favorite bands because, well, let’s face it, they’re just not that good (though you could say the same for many a hipster). No Burkinabé has ever tried subtly or non-subtly to draw attention to what they’re wearing (though they will often ask you to give them your pants or skirt), and no one has tried to make me feel bad or ignorant about not knowing some band from their hometown, or the specific nuances of the issue that they’re currently interested in. It is this indifference, this self-confidence which every hipster I’ve known strives for, pretends to have, and ultimately fails to achieve and which makes me cringe every time I’m around one and later just makes me pity them. What a waste to spend your time trying to define your identity using these things stolen from past generations and cultures. What a shame to go through life trying desperately to be cool when it’s the trying itself that makes it so you never will be. Burkinabé are cool simply because they are. And they have no idea.

(Note: This post may have upset some friends who exhibit hipster-like qualities such as an affinity for fixed-gear bicycles and thrift-store clothing. Do not dismay: Chances are, if we are friends, you are not a hipster. As the content of this post suggests, it is not the things themselves which define a hipster, and annoy the shit out of me, but the exclusive, self-absorbed attitude which surrounds them. Indeed, I myself have huge glasses and like old T-shirts, but because they are practical and comfortable, respectively. I don’t know. Perhaps my definition of a hipster is too narrow. Maybe this calls for a hyphenated category extension such as “asshole-hipster.” Either way, I have never met a self-proclaimed hipster, so this post will probably go unnoticed by those who should be offended and who need it the most.)

(Cultural Note: Obama Girl T-shirts are also extremely popular here- and not just with the ladies…)